As you might have noticed, Michael Portillo made the trip down to Edmonton on Thursday night to tell the locals all about his life.

This rant is actually more a confession that anything else; it’s a confession to something that each and every raver is guilty of, and if, having read what I have to say, you deny that you too are culpable, then you, Miss/Mr Raver, are either a liar or an amputee.

It’s a moment that you’ve long dreamt of, and finally fate has conspired so that you’re standing face to face with the person responsible for your favourite ever album, the artist behind the songs you keep on coming back to, no matter how old they get.

Warning: these ‘tips’ might actually get you chucked out of a bar, particularly if done in conjunction with each other:

Ok, let’s be honest with each other. We’ve all been in the position where we’ve turned up a couple of minutes before a gig is about to start and we’ve wormed our way to the front.