Ok, let’s be honest with each other. We’ve all been in the position where we’ve turned up a couple of minutes before a gig is about to start and we’ve wormed our way to the front.

We’ve all also been in the position where we’ve turned up nice and early to get a prime spot, only for some twat to turn up a couple of minutes before the gig starts and stand right in front of us. We’re all hypocrites when it comes to this, make no mistake.

First of all, let’s address those of you who are doing the worming. Credit where credit’s due, you’ve got the technique down. You lead with one arm, and form a chain with the rest of your group with the other.
You forge the path and others follow. If someone’s not moving out of your way, a disarming stroke of the shoulder or lower back will normally do the trick. After a few minutes of deft manoeuvring, you’re just where you want to be, pressed up behind a sweaty stranger, your arms wedged in a ridiculous position, but you’re having a great time.

If you’re one of the early arrivers, you do have options, but it’s not easy.

The first is to pretend you’re deaf and mute. Ignore the inevitable ‘sorry, mate’ from the worm trying to wriggle past you and make he/she go another way so as not ruin your serenity.

Another option is to not wash for three months prior to the gig, thus developing an invisible yet incredibly effective defence shield.

If these don’t work for you, then forget about your stubborn principles and join at the back of the people worming through. After all, you’re only going to get a better view out of it.

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